no particular effort to tack on game mechanics but what could work as a motivating force, a driving force, to lead the player; should it just be a labyrinth with no way out, should it instead be linear and with no alternatives, should there be a hint of the inevitable or a suggestion that trying to deal with the issue in such ways (which ways?) leads to nothing, leads to a feedback loop\n\n* [[next|25]]
seemed impossible, only chance was in one act the subject did not allow themselves to carry out, and worse, they didn't expect it to bear fruit in all likeliness\n\n* [[scared]]\n* [[loneliness]]
is the subject trying to cheat inevitability? trying to cheat people into belie\n\n* [[next|19]]
i guess sequence could just be like within, an infinite circle of somewhat randomly connected thoughts\n\n* [[next|04]]
subject gets scared, scared that they will forever live, or for a long time live, in the same state, never knowing, never being quite certain, and never able to let go, never able to face the likelier fact that there was no chance, that it was not only hard but impossible, that there was no returned feelings and therefore no way, especially given everything else, and that even if that was the best possible situation, it was still the loneliest, yet not the quietest\n\n* [[next|47]]
Or, Idea for Twee game
worse yet, even if the feelings were there, there were all the other matters, the obstacles; was convinced, finally, that the best thing that could happen was that the feelings were not in fact corresponded, and that the subject would learn of it, by mercy, and in time learn to get over it\n\n* [[next|44]]
how cruel it is
dance around subject of forbidden love and desiring to express one's frustration on not being able to express it clearly\n\n* [[next|02]]
but then that series of events occurred, and something burst in the subject's head, it all went running out and seized control of all the restraint and the logic, and put it upside down and mangled it, but it made sense of course because the certainty was already there, it had just been caged and denied, it was the most bitter certainty\n\n* [[next|55]]
the feelings were still brewing during the relationship? were they paused, later resumed?\n\n* [[loneliness]]\n* [[pouring the soul]]
that is, make a game about thinking of making a game or other sort of art maybe\n\n* [[sequence]]\n* [[mechanics]]
will there be some sort of link to heart, willing or not?\n\n* [[email]]\n* [[to cheat]]
there is a response and a counter-response, same day, surprised about it; sad about no further responses, didn't set it up for that but that would have been unnatural would not have worked\n\n* [[contact]]\n* [[should we start before?]]
the figure of the speaker need not be described?\n\n* [[consequences]]\n* [[what remains]]
but it was so sweet, there would also be the possibility that the subject was only willing it to be real; the possibility still remained that from the beginning it had been just an expression of their own desire, but days later they would regret ever having thought that, it was ludicrous, how could it be like that? it surely happened as it was felt the very instant it occurred, no matter what was thought later\n\n* [[next|58]]
there's the problem of how to convey the anxiousness over simultaneusly wanting and not wanting to pour one's heart out (i guess that's what leads to hermetism in art)\n\n* [[to describe]]\n* [[so]]
it was slow, it was the cuteness, hers, the subject was so into it, but started only noticing it once she herself started opening up\n\n* [[next|50]]
the quietest was being played out, and that was perhaps hell\n\n* [[or should it start from the beginning, probably?]]\n* [[contact]]
there's beauty in a veil but i'll be damned if i can attain it\n\n* [[next|09]]
so is there one specific person (her) who is most sensitive to the problem? if so, would avoid any specifics on her solve that? would it make it just too vague, the work? is there merit in a work so vague it says nothing about anything in the end?\n\n* [[next|10]]
hopelessness would eventually set in after a long time of thought, the subject would come to the conclusion that even if all that, which at that point wasn't at all sure had actually happened as they interpreted it, had happened as they best could expect it to have, it ultimately meant nothing, feelings-wise\n\n* [[next|43]]
the subject then has contact, first sight, her look, is not what they wanted, is not what they needed, is suprised at her reaction toward them, leans toward depression and avoidance\n\n* [[next|30]]
the subject was sure at the time, believed it was what they thought it was; until the last event, the strongest of them all, the one received contact, the subject received it, but it was still coherced\n\n* [[next|41]]
but the subject interpreted it otherwise in the end, they sought proof and failed and therefore interpreted it otherwise, was sure of it, later would not be so much\n\n* [[next|42]]
the saddest possibility to display, then, is that the feelings rose from the loneliness, the lack of perspective caused by isolation\n\n* [[next|54]]
the figure of her cannot be described or else\n\n* [[next|06]]
and certainly the night has a charm, that lack of light makes it possible to deny or imagine it all, anything could happen and anything could have happened if we will it to, and during the night, perhaps when we're at our worst in all senses, the moon shining and we're drowsy, lacking sleep, imagining we're not sleeping? we then will things to happen, and then they happen, or do they?\n\n* [[next|60]]
subject sends email one specific, perhaps relevant, day; does not expect it to be answered, does somewhat expect the date to cause something, or rather wishes it to\n\n* [[next|27]]
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spoke it openly with her, subject then would come to regret not having looked her straight in the eye as they did, to notice her waver, would have added a notch to the proof\n\n* [[next|57]]
one wonders if it matters where the thoughts will lead, if it matters if there's an evolution or if there is a resolution or some sort of decision made\n\n* [[next|17]]
the reaction was at first appearance positive, they at least reaffirmed the subject's own feelings but then, after it all, the reality dawned that it was a seduction, it was induced, it was forced, it was brought down, it was tainted, the result was a breaking of a dam, so the subject would have thought at the time, later would collect themselves and think it was unlikely that it had been previously unbroken\n\n* [[next|40]]
the events had been triggered not by chance but by the subject's own doing, and they were met with a reaction they were not prepared for, but then they were not really prepared for anything, they didn't know what to expect because they weren't planning, they weren't thinking, they were following the most primal instinct\n\n* [[next|39]]
these are all thoughts, evidently, like within\n\n* [[to cheat]]\n* [[email]]
While telling with the eyes
not lie, more like mist, misdirection, purposeful act while telling with the eyes of something different?\n\n* [[what remains]]\n* [[consequences]]
indelible, it had been so sweet\n\n* [[next|59]]
the speaker, they should not exist, maybe, or rather the speaker should not be the subject\n\n* [[next|12]]
avoid generalities, rather, pursue a specific vagueness? is there such a thing? a personal mist?\n\n* [[next|11]]
the subject, should we say the word love? it's tacky by now, but i guess it's unavoidable, and actually we've already said it\n\n* [[so]]\n* [[sequence]]
the subject is referred to, but if so, how to avoid being even more vague? how to not end up in a soup of facelessness and lack of anything?\n\n* [[next|13]]
case two: subject decides they will avoid her, decides it's best to stop the fantasies that something may evolve, subject wants to convince themselves that there is nothing they can do and nothing to lead it if there were, that it cannot survive on mere passion, a rational perspective\n\n* [[one wonders]]\n* [[scared]]
if we're direct, like saying that the subject has contracted a crush on her, which actually developed over a length of time until the subject finally allowed themselves to admit that it was what it was, but when they did that also set themselves up for the fall, the depression\n\n* [[pouring the soul]]\n* [[one wonders]]
how to get across the issue of the consequences; of what happens if certain, or even any, people play the game, read the work, whatever\n\n* [[next|08]]
and the contact, it would remain affixed at the front, indelible, impossible to forget, and to think the subject had at some point denied its plausibility, assessed the steps and said, impossible, it wasn't so!\n\n* [[next|56]]
is the speaker trying to cheat, then, their own audience? to make them both fall and avoid the trap like a schroedinger's trap and both understand what lies behind and believe the lie\n\n* [[next|20]]
no mind versus heart\n\n* [[next|33]]
known thing, rational thinking sets in therefore, depression, hopelessness, desire to get out of the situation as fast as possible, mind doesn't want it, mind keeps tugging back, or heart rather than mind but then that's tacky\n\n* [[next|32]]
tries to come to terms with her lack of connection; no, rather, subject puts in thought the fact that their worlds are apart, or rather, that the worlds do not connect\n\n* [[next|31]]
and actually a relationship would come in between\n\n* [[next|52]]
should we start before?
contact would have been brief, rest of time is spent wallowing\n\n* [[should we start before?]]\n* [[or should it start from the beginning, probably?]]
then decides to make a game about it? is it catharsis? is it a way to cope with their inability to do anything about it, incapacity to talk to anyone about it?\n\n* [[next|35]]
before, there was a series of unmentionable occurrences, a sequence of events that rose the subject's awareness of their own feelings to a level too tall, it was vertiginous, made them sick to the stomach, made them wish they were drunk, made them hate themselves, made them want to drown in the sea, made them wish they had the courage to kill themselves, but were still too lucid and too much of a coward, despite it all\n\n* [[next|38]]
rational thought versus emotion sounds better, is the same though; makes any difference?\n\n* [[next|34]]
cannot get her out of the head, the subject wishes to have contact but doesn't know why, doesn't know if they want to forget her or rather to deepen the relationship, to somehow prove a bond, the bond that in their fantasies is there already, waiting to be acknowledged\n\n* [[next|29]]
so case one: subject is in love with her, we presume she is not with the subject, is she with someone else? is she oblivious or may she know something? may there be already some form of relationship or bond? may there be something not spoken? we're talking perhaps only in the mind of the subject, maybe their fantasies or maybe an exaltation of the more mundane reality, or maybe it's the opposite, the subject's pessimist perspective dampens the turmoiled actuality\n\n* [[next|15]]
the subject's love seems to be the one thing that remains so far, also the existence of her\n\n* [[next|22]]
or should it start from the beginning, probably?
the subject would then be the speaker? the subject is pouring their soul?\n\n* [[mechanics]]\n* [[to describe]]
or, Idea for Twee game\nby [[agj|]]
but then the problem of actually learning the truth would set in, what to do, how to manipulate the events so that things would remain as close to as they were as possible, cause as few ripples\n\n* [[next|45]]
so from then, and over the course of many years, the subject's feelings would grow with restraint, the subject would not admit them, would not accept them, would wish upon themselves to ignore them\n\n* [[next|51]]